


Bouquets of Carnations and Rhododendrons

by BadAtLife



Series: Tsukkiyama week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Day 5 - laugh/smile/unrequited/hanahaki, M/M, TsukkiYama Week 2020, after high school, hanahaki, relationships, whoever came up with this disease I have words for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26138029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadAtLife/pseuds/BadAtLife
Summary: He spent his whole life in the content haze that things would stay the same forever. There was nothing in all the years that showed any kind of chance things would change between them. It was safe to store all those odd little feelings away in a secret little box inside his head that no one would ever see or hear. It was safe for all those years and years and years...So why is that blissful, content haze suddenly gone while something dark spills out? Something he didnt remember being in there. Something trying to tear him apart from the inside out. It cant be too late to... It cant be... Itcantbe too late...But the box is cracked now, and pieces are disappearing faster than he can catch them...
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, tsukkiyama
Series: Tsukkiyama week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898053
Kudos: 16





	Bouquets of Carnations and Rhododendrons

**Author's Note:**

> For Tsukkiyama week 2020 on Tweeter  
> [This chapter is specifically for the week, but yall bet your asses this is gonna have multi chaps cause Im not done]

“Tsukki!” A voice cut through the cold winter air right to Kei’s ears like it always did. 

He sighed as gold eyes turned slowly to meet the excited gaze he was so familiar with. Tadashi came up over the hill wrapped in his scarf and bundled in a dark green coat. His breath fogged into the air around him as he trotted across the grass to where Kei was standing. Reaching his tall companion Tadashi leaned over a bit and huffed before brown eyes moved up to meet gold and he grinned.

“You didn’t have to run all the way over here.” Kei sighed as he tucked his hands into his own jacket’s pockets, “It’s not like we’re on a time limit.”

“I know!” Tadashi grinned wide as he straightened up, “But it’s been so long since we got a chance to spend time together! I didn’t want to waste any more time than I had to!” 

Kei shook his head, but the corners of his lips twitched a bit, “Well come on then.”

It had indeed been a while since he and Tadashi had been able to see each other longer than just a quick video call or passing by in coincidence. Life had just gotten so busy after they had all graduated. They each went separate ways; picked different paths. Occasionally paths would cross and old teammates would have enough time to stay and chat, but it was always a fleeting moment. Kei hadnt given much thought to it all honestly. Tadashi had brought it up here and there, but neither boy had much time anymore to focus on what once was. It was days like today though, where the stars lined up just enough that their schedules would give them a rare moment to spend more than a short few hours together. 

It had been a few months since they’d last been able to go out somewhere together, but their video calls had kept the two satiated at least a little. Tadashi revealed that he’d almost fallen into a trap at work, but had managed to slip the events off onto a friendly co-worker who was more than willing to cover for him so he could still be free today. As the two walked the streets toward a small diner they had both frequented quite often during their later years of high school, and still as often as they could after, Kei watched Tadashi as the shorter man chatted wildly about some events from work. As chatty as always; Kei’s mind smiled softly. 

Truthfully he himself had been feeling a little under the weather lately, and had gotten a bit concerned he might catch a cold or something before their scheduled day. It had been, a bit alarmingly, probably a month or so now that he hadnt been able to feel like he was functioning at 100%. Kei had chalked it all up to stress and just bad sleeping habits. He’d woken up that morning feeling a bit more sour than before, though he’d managed to pull himself together and drive off the weird feeling in his head before their preset time. He could get sick _after_ the day was over. As if to remind him he was still at the mercy of the universe Kei coughed suddenly as the back of his throat startled to tickle a bit. This caught Tadashi’s attention as wide brown eyes turned to the blonde next to him.

“You okay, Tsukki?” Tadashi asked with drips of worry lacing his words.

Kei held up his hand as he forced the cough back down and cleared his throat, “Yeah. Don’t worry.”

He felt Tadashi’s gaze linger on him a bit longer before the smaller huffed, “Alright, if you say so. Ya know, in two years I would have thought that you would’ve opened up a bit more.” 

Gold glared lightly at Tadashi who grinned up at him widely, “I’m going to ignore that.”

By the time they reached the diner they were both a bit chilly, but the atmosphere in side was warm and familiar. They greeted an older woman who’d been working there since they’d first started going there before taking a seat. Tadashi was still chatting away about anything and everything that he thought Kei missed out on, but Kei was content with that. He’d always been content with the way they were.

Tadashi sat across from the blonde sipping out of the frosted mug he held between his hands. Brown eyes watched as Kei glanced through the menu and talked about a few things that had been going on. He was currently going on about some new hire that had shown up about a month ago; some girl he was stuck training. Tadashi’s eyebrow went up a bit when Kei mentioned she wasn’t as bad as he thought she was going to be, but he still thought she was kind of annoying. Kei could talk when he wanted. Albeit much less animatedly than Tadashi, but that was Kei. That was just how his best friend was. As long as he could remember that was how Kei was, and probably how he’d always be. They’d been friends forever; Tadashi was so glad for that. What would he have done without Kei? He was pretty sure life would have been a lot different if he hadnt followed the taller male around no matter where he went. Brown eyes watched closely as he grinned into his mug. He was content with it like this; just knowing Kei would always be around. 

Tadashi coughed which had golden eyes snapping in his direction instantly. Brown widened for a moment as he stifled the continuous bouts of cough that were trying to break out of him. When it finally died down his throat felt scratchy, but the feeling faded.

“Now it’s my turn to ask…” Kei said flatly as an eyebrow rose over his glasses slowly.

“I think I just choked on something a little bit.” Tadashi said quickly, “Felt like there was something stuck in my throat for a second.” 

“Well don’t choke to death until after you get home.” Kei sighed, but Tadashi grinned at him. 

“I wont.” 

They talked, ate, and laughed for hours. After they’d left it had felt like everything was right in the world for once as they walked in each other’s company. There’d always been an air of unspoken warmth between the two of them that neither bothered to question. It had always been there, but sometimes it felt stronger than other times. Times like back in high school when they’d been curled together studying for an exam, or out late into the night practicing with just each other it had felt warmer. 

Now it was rarer to feel it, and sometimes it felt like it was fading away. Days like this though revived that warmth and both of them subconsciously leaned into it.  
Kei shivered suddenly as he pulled at the collar of his jacket a bit. He’d felt rather cold all day despite everything and really hoped he wasn’t seriously coming down with anything. He wasn’t a fan of how off he’d been feeling lately; who would be though. His eyebrows scrunched together a bit as his throat started to tickle again. The blonde swallowed thickly trying to subdue the rising urge to cough, but he swore something else felt off as the feeling rose. 

“Tsukki.” Tadashi’s voice broke through the even silence that had settled oven them a while ago, “Can I tell you something…” 

Gold eyes slid down to Tadashi as he quietly tried to clear his throat of the odd sensation, “You probably will even if I said no.” 

A wide smile slid across Tadashi’s face as he shrugged, “True… but you cant tell anybody okay?”

Kei sighed, but his eyes rolled with the smallest of smirks, “Sure, sure. What’s this big secret?”

“I think…” Kei watched him play with the end of his sleeve for a moment as his face scrunched up a bit.

“There’s a first for everything.” 

“Shut up.” Tadashi shoved his lightly with his shoulder.

“Alright, alright. Spit it out already.”

Tadashi took a breath before letting it go slowly before he stopped walking. Kei stopped a few steps after and turned to him with a quirked eyebrow. 

“I think… I’m in love.” 

Brown eyes cautiously peered up at Kei’s face after the other didn’t say anything right away. He was met with a rather blank expression as gold stared at him. 

“Don’t just stare at me!” Tadashi hissed at him.

Kei threw his hands up at Tadashi’s flailing, “It caught me off guard, that’s all.”

Tadashi leaned back again and huffed, running a hand through his hair a bit awkwardly, “Tsukki I don’t know… I feel all weird when I think about it, and I mean… how am I even supposed to know if it’s love or just, admiration or something…”

Feelings were not Kei’s strong point. He wasn’t an expert on anything but closing emotions off. This sounded like something Tadashi should be talking to someone like Hinata or Yachi about; not him. His throat felt uncomfortable, but this time he was pretty sure it was because of the awkward air around them now. 

“I’m… I’m not really the one you should talk to that about.” Kei finally said clearing his throat, “Why are you telling me all of the sudden?”

Brown eyes blinked at him for a second before he glared, “I tell you everything Tsukki of course Im going to tell you this! Whether you’re good at it or not I don’t care… I just, trust you the most. It’s easier to tell you things compared to anybody else… I’ve been feeling all weird for a while and I just don’t know what to do about it.” 

Kei rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh, “If you’re on this so much why not just talk to whoever it is.”

Tadashi’s eyes widened, “I cant just walk up and go ‘Hey I _think_ I might love you!’ and hope it all works out! Jeez Tsukki! What if they don’t feel the same? What if I ruin the relationship I already have with them? I… I really like the way things are… I don’t want to ruin it if I’m not totally sure, or if they don’t feel the same… I’d never be able to live with myself.”

“I told you this isn’t my strong point, Yamaguchi…” Kei huffed, “If you’re so worried about it then don’t do anything until there’s some big sign or something. I don’t know… besides, if you’re that close to them then admitting you have strong feelings for them shouldn’t drive them off. If it does they aren’t worth your time.”

There was a bitter taste at the back of Kei’s mouth as the words let his lips. As bad as his advice usually was sometimes he was pretty sure he should be listening to himself. He’d been juggling something heavy, and dangerous for a long, long time now. In fact he was pretty sure he and Yamaguchi were in the same situation. Was his advice really the one to listen to if _he_ couldn’t even take it himself?

“I just…” Tadashi was fidgeting as his hands rubbed together and his fingers messed with his sleeves, “I don’t want to be wrong, but somethings telling me I cant just keep standing here and doing nothing…”

Kei swallowed as he looked down at the other. A question burned at the back of his throat that he was dying to ask, but there was something curling through his chest that felt like agony. He didn’t want to know the answer, but he _needed_ it. Did he risk it? Did he just dump everything right here right now? They’d just spent all day together; that warmth was still circling through them. Kei’s eyebrows drew together as his throat tightened up suddenly and he lightly touched his hand around it. It felt constricted all of the sudden…

Tadashi couldn’t pull his eyes off the ground. Kei hadnt said anything yet and he was worried the other was probably looking at him the way he used to look at everybody else. Kei didn’t do emotions like this, and he was probably wondering why Tadashi would pick now of all times to vomit all this stuff up on him for no reason. Nervous fingers danced across the bottom of his jacket as he sighed to try and calm himself. This was Tsukki he was talking to. No one was more comfortable to be around for him than Tsukki; if he couldn’t just talk to Tsukki about this he would never be able to admit anything…

“Who…” Kei’s voice finally broke through the air, but Tadashi noted it was a bit rough all of the sudden. He heard Kei clear his throat; he was doing that a lot today. He spoke again and he sounded somewhat better, “Who is it, Yamaguchi?”

Ah. That was the question he figured Kei would ask eventually, but he’d really been hoping maybe he would skip it tonight and ask later on. His fidgeting got a bit stronger as he felt his face start to heat up a bit. God he felt foolish standing here like this. It felt like they were back in high school and he’d reverted back to that awkward kid he’d been all those years ago. Kei stood still in front of him; the most the blonde had done was shift his feet a little. Tadashi could tell him. He had to tell him. If he couldn’t even admit it out loud what was the point of all this?

Kei watched Tadashi take a deep breath after he finally let go of the hem of his jacket. It had been abnormally hard to force the words out passed whatever was wrong with his throat, but Kei wanted to know who exactly Tadashi was confused over. He needed to know if…

He shook his head. He was being paranoid; there’d been too much. There was too much history. There were too many moments.

Finally brown eyes looked up at him wide and nervous, but determined. Tadashi looked like he was going to explode if he held it in any longer, but as Kei opened his mouth to give him a lightly sarcastic push Tadashi punched him with the answer.

“Yachi.” 

Something cracked. He heard it. It felt like there was something writhing in his chest now and Kei’s eyebrows drew together. When did…? Ah, he’d mentioned before they’d spent more time together recently since she moved closer to his apartment.

“How… long?” Kei finally says when he realizes he hadnt said anything and Tadashi looks like he’s about to be taken over by dejection.

Tadashi straightens up a bit now that he’s responded. He watches as Tadashi rubs the back of his neck, “I’m… not sure really. We talked a lot before she moved, but when she said she was closer now we started to see each other more. Apparently our schedules were pretty similar. I guess if I had to say I started feeling kind of weird about it all a month or so ago… she was visiting to watch a movie we’d talked about I’d recently bought and when we were sitting there… I don’t know Tsukki… she laughed and all of the sudden…”

There was something cold slithering up Kei’s spine, but he kept himself blank like he usually was. His throat _hurt_ all of the sudden. A month huh? That was… that was fast… he’d thought that with all the history…

“I guess something just sorta clicked.” Tadashi’s voice broke back into the odd numbness that was starting to wash through Kei’s body. He had a warm hue creeping across his face and it took all of Kei’s willpower to not look away, “I just, I don’t know what to do about it…”

“Well you just said it to me.” Kei suddenly found himself speaking, and his own voice surprised him, “Just say it to, her.”

Something stabbed at him in his chest causing his eyebrows to twitch together for a brief moment, and he stifled a cough.

“But what if….” Tadashi’s eyes flew back to his, wide and uncertain. Vulnerable and looking for the help he always came to Kei for. _The help he’d only come to Kei for._ , “It’s just you and Yachi are my closest friends. I don’t want to mess it up; I’m always worried one day I’ll mess it up with you and now I’m worried I’ll mess it up with her if I do anything…”

“Just tell her.” Kei heard himself saying, “Yachi’s not dumb. You guys have a lot of, history. You were one of the people who talked to her the most after she joined the club, and obviously it was enough to keep in contact like you two did. Even if she doesn’t, feel the same, you’ll be fine.”

He was looking Tadashi in the eyes, but something was hollowing out in his chest. At first he thought it was just emotion seeping out of cracks in his walls, but now he was sure he actually _felt_ something. There was a sick feeling of something trying to push its way up his throat, and his lungs ached like when they’d done endless drills during practice.

Brown eyes looked wide, and something new was shining in them. His freckles dotted across his skin adding such an emphasis on those big, stupid eyes that Kei was always staring into. Kei could map out at least two constellations in Tadashi’s freckles; he’d done it before a long time ago when they were younger. 

Kei barely managed to bring his hand up enough to cover a cough he couldn’t hold back. His eyebrows drew down harshly as another tried to escape instantly after the first, but as the third tried to claw its way up he forced it down harshly. Tadashi caught the motion easily and leaned back.

“I’m sorry Tsukki!” He said his face turning red slightly, “It’s cold out here and we’ve been standing in it, and you’ve been coughing all day… I should have asked when we were somewhere warmer.”

Swallowing didn’t dislodge whatever it was that was suddenly clogging his throat. 

Tadashi started walking again, but there was an energy in his step now that made Kei feel uncomfortable.

“At least we aren’t far from your place! You can get home fast and get warm; I don’t want you to get sick because of me!” Tadashi grinned back at him, wide and warm, and it made Kei want to smile like it always did when Tadashi smiled like that…

But at that warmth he always felt was suddenly accompanied by something cold and painful. It stabbed into his lungs, and clogged his throat. Kei turned wordlessly and walked after his best friend, but coughed again. This time it was harsh and forceful and _hurt_. He coughed roughly before he finally felt that sensation move as something hit the skin of his palm. 

Kei brought his hand away from his mouth and stared down at it. He tried to swallow the feeling of nausea that was creeping at the back of his throat, but it wouldn’t go away. He stared down at his hand as his lips pulled back into a thin line. 

He was well read in a lot of subjects, and for once in his life he wished he wasn’t. Rhododendrons were a gorgeous flower that inhabited many parts of Asia and came in so many vibrant colors. They were used as symbols for temptation and caution. Somewhere, he would swear he heard something else crack as gold stared down at the purple petal that sat heavily in his hand. 

They also symbolized danger…

**Author's Note:**

> Rhododendrons are actually very pretty flowers.  
> I personally really like flowers, and how they all mean something different is really fascinating to me.  
> Be careful what kind of flower or bouquet you choose to give someone...


End file.
